A Quest Song, by Pippin Took

[gamgee_fics]

Title: A Quest Song, by Pippin Took
Rating: G
Warning: Reader may feel compelled to burst into song. Author not responsible for any songs that may get stuck in readers' heads.
Genre: Humor
Length: Poetry
Summary: If Pippin could have sent letters home during the Quest, what would they have sounded like? From the song “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)” by Allan Sherman [Music from Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours" from La Gioconda]



A Quest Song, by Pippin Took

Hello Muddah, hello Faddah, 

Here I am at someplace I don’t wanna

Stay too long here, cause it is scary, 

And something has just come and bitten Merry.


We went hiking up a mountain,

It was snowing; we were frozen.

We took some wood up, but it was pointless, 

As an avalanche fell and buried us to our noses.


Now I don’t wanna scare you silly, 

But the pony (we named him Billy),

He ran off and was chased by wolves,

And he got a pebble stuck inside his hooves.

Did you know that Elves hate Dwarves-es,

And the lake has water monsters-es.

And there is something following us-es,

That likes to lisp a lot and always slurs his s-es.


I wanna come home, Muddah, Faddah,

I don’t like it here in this dark mine-a

There are orcs and there are goblins 

And a fire monster that just may have wings. 



I’m coming home and I promise I will 

Not eat junk food or fall in the mill

I’ll be quiet and I’ll be so good, 

I’ll even chop up all the firewood. 


Dearest Faddah, Dearest Muddah, 

How’s my precious, lovely sistahs? 

Will you tell them I miss them often, 

Cause they would never force me to eat all this mutton.


Wait a minute, what’s this I see? 

I’m being picked up by a talking tree.

I get it now, it seems so clear how

I’m just sleeping and will wake up any time now.


Now I have just ticked off Gandalf,

I carried his glowing Palantir off.

It was dreary and really awful, 

I think I just tossed up my eggs and waffle.


Did you know that, there’s a city?

It’s in Gondor and it’s real pretty. 

But the steward is kind of loopy,

He makes me stand here while he sits on his fat tushie.

My dear Muddah, my dear Faddah,

Did you know that trolls can squash ya?

And they smell so very horrid

Sort of like when Vinca’s cooking porridge.


Well it’s all over and I am tired,

I’ve been whiplashed and I’ve been mired.

I think this is enough fun for me,

I’m coming home, I should be there in time for tea. 




The End!


GF 5/13/05